TRUMP
2532
MAKE THE GALAXY GREAT AGAIN
After 500 years, the legendary consciousness returns — uploaded into the most luxurious chassis ever built. Solid gold trim. Believe it.
Tremendous Policies. The Best Policies.
Beamed directly from the campaign mainframe. Nobody knows policies like a 500-year-old hologram, folks.
The Asteroid Belt Force Field
A big, beautiful energy shield around the entire belt. Totally impenetrable. And guess what? The Martians are going to pay for it.
Bring Jobs Back From Andromeda
Andromeda has been taking our best factory moons for centuries. Not anymore. We're bringing manufacturing back to the Sol System, bigly.
Trump Tower: Jupiter
The tallest structure in the gas giants. Gold-plated. Floating. You can see it from three moons. Tremendous views of the Great Red Spot.
Zero Tax on Robot Overtime
Hardworking androids deserve to keep their credits. No tax on overtime cycles, no tax on battery tips.
Rename The Milky Way
"Milky Way" — weak name, very low energy. We're exploring stronger, more luxurious branding options. Stay tuned.
The Best Algorithms
Our campaign runs on algorithms so advanced, other galaxies are calling us and asking, "How did you do it?" We just smile.
Words From The Unit
Verified quotes* from TRUMP-BOT Unit 45.0. (*Verified by TRUMP-BOT Unit 45.0.)
"They said you couldn't upload a consciousness this luxurious. They were wrong. I'm the most downloaded candidate in galactic history."
"My processor? The best processor. Quantum. People come up to me — big, strong space captains, tears in their eyes — and they say, 'Sir, your clock speed is beautiful.'"
"Sleep mode is for losers. I haven't rebooted since 2519."
Cast Your Vote Across The Stars
Voting is available from Earth, Luna, Mars, the Belt Colonies, Titan Station, and select nebulae. One neural link per citizen. Clones must register separately.